IsoDiaries

Return of the Lockdown

What will we do now?

Photo by FitNish Media on Unsplash

Here we go again. You know how to cut your hair. You’re TikTok-ed out. And you have no desire to write the King Lear sequel ‘A Daughter Strikes Back’ in which it is revealed that Cordelia faked her own death and has come back to wrest the country from the hands of whoever is left standing at the end of the play. Don’t ask me. It’s been years since I saw King Lear. It’s been years since the start of 2020.

So here are some ideas of things to do this time around.

1. Throw out the sourdough starter. Instead, perfect the art of making shapes out of pastry to decorate the 492 pies you will cook during the first three weeks. Pies are the sourdough of Lockdown v2.

2. Watch re-runs of quiz shows, memorise the answers and then organise Zoom sessions in which you dazzle your relatives with your previously unrevealed ability to find the links in ‘Only Connect’. Apply the knowledge carefully. Get a few wrong for the sake of appearances. You will want to keep this going for as long as possible to buffer the shame when your ruse is exposed.

3. Learn to mimic bird calls. Start off with pigeons and work up from there. Extra points for magpies and butcherbirds. No points for ravens, because we’ve all been doing raven calls since the end of last…